How to be More Assertive Without Losing Friends

A lot of people worry about standing up for themselves, fearing that they might upset friends, family or co-workers if they be more assertive.

In general people don’t like conflict and so shy away, ending up feeling used or put upon.

Learning how to be more assertive without losing friends is a matter of learning to use the right combination of words and body language.

Proper assertive communication is well worth taking the time and effort to learn.

So How Can We Be More Assertive?

Be More Assertive by Using Good Posture

Try to remember to stand or sit up straight with your shoulders slightly back as the first step to be more assertive.

Stand a reasonable distance away from the other person.

Being to close may intimidate them, however being too far away will make you seem withdrawn from the conversation.

Be More Assertive by Speaking in Whole Messages

A whole message begins with the way that you feel, followed by when that feeling was triggered, the reason you feel that way, and what you need in order to resolve the issue.

The format of a whole message is:

I feel …… when….. because….. I need…..

Here are a couple examples of this:

“I feel disrespected when you shout at me, because I feel as though I’m being treated like a child. I need you to speak calmly to me.”

“I feel a little on edge right now, because I have a job interview in an hour. I need some time to myself, so that I can calm down and think about what I am going to say.”

Be More Assertive by Being Aware of Your Facial Expressions and Tone of Voice

Speak in a clear, even tone without being too loud or speaking too softly.

It is important that you make eye contact with the person you are talking to, so that they know you are paying attention to them.

But you need to make sure you are not staring them in the eyes so intently that they feel uncomfortable.

To be more assertive is not to be more aggressive of course, think firm but fair.

Make sure the expression on your face fits the message you are trying to convey.

Smiling while saying that your feelings are hurt will give them the impression that you’re not that upset after all.

This can lead to confusion and your message not getting through.

Speaking in whole messages will feel more natural the more you do it, and will help you solve problems without creating new ones.

Very soon you it will become so much more natural to be more assertive and gain the outcome you desire.