Ask yourself better questions
This week’s tip comes from the mental file called “Why are the simple ones usually the most powerful?”
When I work one to one with people, often I’ll offer a free initial session – what I call “coffee and a chat”. It’s a great opportunity for someone to come over without pressure or financial commitment, let me know what’s going on in their life, see if I’m the right person to help them and ask me as many questions as they want. I think it’s vitally important that someone should feel completely comfortable, at ease and confident before they decide to work with me.
Quite often, when it comes to them asking me questions, those questions will be a reflection of what they have been asking themselves for a long time. We constantly ask ourselves questions in our own minds, I call it internal dialogue or that voice in our heads.
The questions, after the “can you help me?” one, usually carry a similar theme. “Why am I like this? Why can’t I just….? What stops me being/doing………..?” Now, if you stop for a minute and really pay attention to the question, you will see that there is only one type of answer you can get. If you ask “Why can’t I ….?” the only answer you can come to is a list of all the things that keep you trapped where you don’t want to be. Almost confirming to yourself that you are destined to be stuck with that issue for ever.
However, when you start your question with “So, how can I……?” You will immediately notice something different happening. Your mind suddenly turns into solutions mode and starts seeking out answers to the question. Try it now; I know it might appear too simple that’s why it’s so powerful!
Find a negative question that you’ve been asking yourself and substitute it for one starting “How can I ….?” or “What could I do differently in order to…..?” Notice how the solutions come easily to you.
Keep practicing those better questions, have fun and enjoy the power of the answers.