Be your own best friend

I work with a lot of people who are struggling with something in their lives. This might be low self-esteem, confidence issues or they may just be stuck and frustrated with an area of their lives.

Quite often we will get on to the subject of that voice in their head.

I ask them what they say to themselves in their minds when they are struggling with something. I’m now used to people sharing all manner of horrible, insulting and harsh things that they tell themselves. “I’m useless, I don’t deserve anything more, I’m ugly, they were right about me I’ll never achieve anything”.

As they tell me all the phrases that they say to themselves I write them down. Then once they have told me them all, I’ll ask them to help me with an exercise. I ask them tell me all about their best friend and imagine that he or she is sat on the spare chair in the room. I then ask them to imagine that their best friend is struggling with the same thing that they are. Once they have that scenario in their mind I pass them the piece of paper and ask them to imagine saying all those things to their best friend.

This provokes a reaction of horror. They tell me that they could never possibly be cruel enough to say that to their best friend and that it would have a terribly negative effect on them to hear that. There usually follows a long pause, a realisation and a huge shift in their mindset.

A best friend loves you no matter what. They understand your limitations, but love you anyway. If you fail at something they are there for you, to help you pick up the pieces and try again.

A best friend never talks badly about you. They only want the best for you!

So start today to be your own best friend. You can change that voice in your head. Change it to your best friend’s voice and feel the encouragement that it gives. Enjoy experimenting and be kinder to yourself today.

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